| I've really enjoyed the festive break. Unlike the | | | | bang in the first goal at an ample 17/2. |
| majority of my contemporaries, I resisted the | | | | I've always been a fan of Eskimo culture. I doubt |
| temptation to get drunk every night; on Christmas | | | | that there's any truth in the myth that they used to |
| Day, I collapsed at lunchtime. | | | | cast out their elderly, but I remain a massive |
| Frank Lampard is also a fan of the occasional swift | | | | supporter of the concept. Sir Alex officially becomes |
| one. A Spanish chauffeuse has alleged that the | | | | a pensioner on New Years Eve, three points against |
| Chelsea man 'took a while to finish' as a result of a | | | | Reading at 1/5 will be a welcome gift. |
| champagne binge; I just hope his shooting was less | | | | Charlton haven't found the net in any of their last |
| erratic than in the Premiership. | | | | four meetings with Aston Villa; and that's when they |
| A bad week is about to get worse for the chubby | | | | were half decent. At the time of writing, Charlton |
| midfielder. The champions have been leaking goals | | | | were on their third manager of the season; the Villa |
| since John Terry stole my patented 'I can't come to | | | | can ask the Charlton board another question at 13/8. |
| work today, i've got a bad back' line; a Fulham win at | | | | I'm a definite optimist. If a pint glass is half full of |
| the Bridge is simply too big at 20/1. | | | | lager, I don't think of it as half empty; I just pinch it. |
| I refuse to waste money on a breathalyzer kit; I find | | | | Alcohol theft is not cool, backing Bolton at evens to |
| the 'how big is the girl i'm considering sleeping with' | | | | beat Pompey undoubtedly is. |
| test a far more accurate guide to intoxication. I may | | | | Manchester City will struggle to score at Upton Park. |
| have been paraletic when I met the wife; but it's in | | | | Anton Ferdinand will literally have Dickov in his pocket, |
| relative sobriety that I suggest a bet on Tottenham | | | | Samaras looks out of his depth and Vassell only |
| at 7/4 to see off Liverpool. | | | | scores against the Villa. The Hammers are nailed on |
| Losses are like a Spanish driver, you should never | | | | at 5/4. |
| chase them after a couple of beers. Newcastle have | | | | Blackburn have announced that Robbie Savage has |
| cost me a small fortune in recent weeks; I'm fighting | | | | been tied up in a 'golden handcuffs' deal. To my deep |
| the temptation to lump on Everton at a beguiling 6/5. | | | | and sincere regret, that's only a metaphor. The even |
| I must congratulate the Toffeemen on the surprise | | | | money about a Rovers win over Boro will soften the |
| result of the season, a Jose Mourinho apology was | | | | blow. |
| trading at 100/1 on the exchanges. It's pretty much | | | | Would it be overdramatic to claim that Cesc |
| accepted now that Andy Johnson does not go | | | | Fabregas is potentially the Premiership's greatest ever |
| down, a policy I wholeheartedly agree with. AJ can | | | | player? It would be if you bellowed it out while |
| open the scoring at an upstanding 5/1. | | | | frantically waving your arms. You'll be shrieking like |
| The loss of Henri Camara would be a blow under | | | | Frank Lampard's new driver if you miss out on |
| normal circumstances, but when it leaves Emile | | | | Arsenal at 8/15 at Bramall Lane. |
| Heskey leading the line, it's bordering on a | | | | This week's accer is so easy, it's going to oblige with |
| catastrophe. Watford can shock the Latics at 17/10. | | | | or without a bottle of bubbly. Aston Villa, Blackburn, |
| I tend to think of myself as a role-model; plenty of | | | | Bolton and Everton are the sure-fire selections, the |
| women have looked up to me. I like my first | | | | payout is a sparkling 20/1. |
| goalscorers like I like my women; Young. Ashley can | | | | |
